you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize