we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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