The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
