Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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