my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
