You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize