Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
