The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
