need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
