i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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