thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
