mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize