So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You dont lie about slip and slides
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize