ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
