I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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