He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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