My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
