I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He better not be in your backpack
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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