whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
