His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drake has all the answers
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
