i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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