I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
