never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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