So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
