If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
