i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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