but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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