Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
