I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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