Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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