I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
