threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
