we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
