Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
