So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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