fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
