I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize