Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
