Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
