I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Welp...herpes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
