She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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