How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
