I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
