I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
