I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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