Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
