Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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