uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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