I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My ATM looks so different sober.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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