Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize