Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
