people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize