i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
