Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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