You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
