Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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