Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
