were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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