he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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