You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
