Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
