somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
