I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
