I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
