Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You can't just leave with hair like that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
