He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish you could order shots online.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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