I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do herpes really smell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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