so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
