i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
