If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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