the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
