Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
