well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Enjoy the penises
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
