I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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