imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pants are for mortals
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
