ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
