i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Enjoy the penises
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
