you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
