there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
