Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
