The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
