he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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