I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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