My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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